"Gas pedal" and "brake pedal", find out your excitation mechanism
Recently, with my friend, I discussed a very interesting point. Pharmaceutical companies in the world are actively promoting Viagra and its analogues - drugs that stimulate an erection in men in a couple of minutes. But for 20 years, no one has come up with any female counterpart. It seems that scientists are not at all interested in our excitement and pleasure, and we are forced to solve these issues on our own. And we decide. But only more and more often in my head flashes: "Something is wrong with me."
According to statistics, in Russia only 42% of respondents are satisfied with their sex life. But even among them, a large percentage of those who are willing to make it even better. It would seem, what's the problem? Emily Nagoski, expert in the field of sex education and author of the book “As Woman Wants.Master class on the science of sex, "I'm sure: we just do not know anything about sex.
After reading this statement for the first time, I was very offended - for myself and for all the people around me at once. Now everyone is watching erotic films. Purchased in sex shops, mastering role-playing games. We are exploring various options for Kama Sutra, attend sexual trainings, read articles in magazines, how to bring pleasure 101 to a man in bed, and look for the notorious point G. We are so relaxed, so advanced ... and so dissatisfied. Despite all the articles, toys and underwear, we still do not understand how our body functions. And why is the majority experiencing a vivid sexual attraction only in the first months of a relationship? And why is it so difficult to get aroused, when, it seems, all the attributes on the ground? And why do we not have an orgasm (and sometimes - just desires) from the same things that lead our partner or best friend?
Our body asks us too many questions to which, it seems, we will never find the answers. And all these sensations and conditions lead only to one thought: “This is not normal. I'm not normal. ”
Let's breathe out right now once and for all, remember: in most cases, everything that you feel before, after and during sex is absolutely normal. For example, only 30% of women consistently get an orgasm during intercourse. Most women do it from time to time, and some never experience the ultimate pleasure with a partner. But on their own - very easy. And yes, everything is completely normal.
Let's talk about the very mechanism of sex. In 1964, a four-phase model of sexual arousal and relaxation was discovered:
• plateau (pre-orgasmic state);
• discharge (return to idle state).
Everything seems very simple, but at the same time both the scientists who discovered this model and ordinary people forgot about one essential phase - sexual desire. She precedes arousal and sends a signal to the brain: I want sex. Ignoring this aspect just leads us to dissatisfaction.
Answer your question: when was the last time you had sex because you wanted it? Not because the partner wanted this, but you were afraid to offend him.Not because you are preparing for the conception, and today is an auspicious day. Not because you promised in the morning, now the excitement has passed, but you have already said the same. When did you feel the desire? Unfortunately, most women do not think about it. In general, we do not take into account our arousal and do not even always know what makes it happen.
Our brain has two mechanisms that are responsible for our desire. Emily Nagoski calls them the gas and brake pedal. Gas provides a response to sexual stimuli, and the brake prevents excitation for various reasons. Depending on which system is most developed, sexual desire appears or does not appear. But it is important to remember that the degree of sensitivity of these mechanisms is not constant and is directly related to our current mood, state of health and the surrounding factors. All this work is reduced to a dual control model, which consists of two systems: excitation and suppression.
The system of sexual arousal (SES) constantly scans the external context for the presence of excitatory factors, which send a signal "Turn on!" To the genitalia.SES works without days off and breaks, so that not only men we constantly think about sex. You may not even notice this job until you feel excited.
The system of sexual repression (SIS), in fact, consists of two systems. One works by analogy with SES - looking for threats (taste, smell, image), which immediately send a signal to "Turn off!". These moments, we are also not always able to realize. But there is a second mechanism. It can be called a hand brake. It looks more like a weak “yes no, probably not today” signal. Fear of disease and unwanted pregnancy, fear of not reaching an orgasm, stress and feeling about your appearance - all this activates our suppression system and, accordingly, reduces desire. As you can see, there is nothing wrong with SIS - it is just an attempt to protect us from possible problems. But it happens that we are too much fixated on our fears and images, too much on the brake, and this kills the desire, even when there is no danger.
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