How to find a common language with an adult son?
A son is pride, support and support, especially if he is already an adult. But what if you cannot find a common language with him? Is there any way to improve the situation?
He is already an adult!
First of all, you need to understand that your son has matured. And let for you, he will always remain a child, but not to take into account the fact of his becoming as a person and a full-fledged person is just silly. Children begin to consider themselves adults much earlier than the end of physical development, often already in adolescence.
And some teenagers are really quite independent and think in an adult way. And if your son has really grown up, he will be very unpleasant and offended if you treat him like a child.
Show the guy that you understand that he has long grown. Do not talk to him as a child, communicate only on equal terms. And do not try to give him instructions or impose his help, if he gets used to it, you simply cannot become a self-sufficient and serious man.If parental advice or support is needed, then the son will surely turn to you. You can only say that you are always ready to help.
At the same time, parents should see in their adult son a man, not the future, but already formed.
Therefore, motivate and stimulate him on important decisions and real men's actions, so that he realizes the importance of his existence and understands that he has a huge responsibility on his shoulders, not only for himself, but also for his family. And so he understood it, you should ask for help. Show that you are ready to rely on your child and believe in him with all your heart.
Respect is above all!
Every person deserves respect, and if it will be the basis for building your family relationships, it will be great! What is it? Think of your son as a formed personality, be sure to consider his opinion, do not ridicule his ideas and thoughts, they all have the right to exist.
Respect all decisions made by him. If he so decided, it means that he considered it necessary and correct. If he chose just this (this applies to both work or profession, and personal life), then it means that it is closer to him. Your task is to take it all.
How to improve relations with an adult son? First of all, think about it, not about yourself, because the happiness of the child for any parent should be in the first place. And if your son, for example, decided to move to another apartment or even go to another city, do not think about how you will not be without him. It is better to think that he should be better off there, since he made such a decision.
Put yourself in his place
Try to look at the world through the eyes of your child, and you will be able to understand a lot. Look at the situation differently, discarding your parents' feelings, judgments and experience. In the end, remember yourself at his age. You also did a lot of things spontaneously, too, were mistaken and burned. This is youth, and experience is the son of difficult mistakes.
What to do to get to know your son? Of course, communicate more with him. Be interested in his opinion, study, work and personal life, but do it unobtrusively, do not try to extract information (if the guy finds it necessary, he will tell you everything). Tell him about yourself, about your youth, discover secrets, it's very close. And if some secret is entrusted to you, then you must keep it, otherwise you will lose trust.
Take it as it is.
Understand that each person is individual and special, and each has both advantages and disadvantages, as well as some quirks, so-called “cockroaches” in the head. And you also have it all, like your son! And he is a part of you, in him your genes and your blood, but at the same time he is very different from you and from all other people. Just accept and love him like that!
It is extremely important to take care of yourself: the behavior, actions, habits, speech, in the end. If you have recently quietly cleaned your boy’s room, now he has grown up and has the right to personal inviolable space. Be restrained, learn to stay calm in any situation, never shout and do not be scolded.
Are there any problems?
If there were not always difficulties in communication, but arose at some particular moment, then try to find out the causes of the problems by understanding yourself and in the current situation. You probably hurt your son badly, but did not notice it. Believe me, even ordinary, seemingly, phrases, abandoned as if by chance, or even more so from evil, can be very wounded. Remember if you did everything right, didn't you make some fatal mistake?
If you can’t figure it out on your own, then try to speak frankly with your son and ask him if he is upset about something. If you manage to figure everything out, be sure to ask for forgiveness, feel shy about it and think that parents are always right, you should not.
Apologies will help the guy to understand that you do not care what you are going through and really regret what you have done or said.
If the problems are serious and cannot be solved in the family, then you should not contact your relatives or friends, so you can only make it worse, especially if people who are knowledgeable will try to somehow influence their son (this will hurt and hurt him).
It is better to seek help from an outsider, but an experienced and knowledgeable person - a psychologist. He will help you figure out the causes of difficulties and find a common language with the child.
A few recommendations:
- It is especially difficult to establish normal relations with the son of a single mother. If you are her, then try to ask for help some man, preferably a relative or even a father, if there is such an opportunity.
- Never push your child, even if he is wrong.Just calmly express your opinion and tell about the possible consequences.
- Remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes, but young people make mistakes often. But even in such cases it is not necessary to constantly exclaim “I told you!”, It will offend the son.
- Do not insult or humiliate your son in any way, remember that even ordinary words can offend if they are said inappropriate or in a negative context.
- Any family issues decide together that the son takes part in the discussion.
- Try to spend as much time together as possible. You can arrange family dinners (they, in general, should become a good tradition) or a walk, find a common occupation.
- Trust your son, he will appreciate it!
- Do not violate the personal space, it is angry and very enrages absolutely all adolescents and already adult children.
- Criticism is sometimes appropriate and even necessary, but it must be, first, constructive, secondly, objective and, thirdly, restrained. Speak in fact, carefully point out the mistakes and do not go on the quality, character traits and the more personal insults.
- Be able to forgive! Sometimes children hurt their parents, but the mother's heart must forget the insults and always remain open.
Patience and understanding with your son!
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