How to live with greed?
Attacks of greed covered Igor with his head when the child was born and the young moved to another city, far from relatives. Considerable expenses for a child, sleepless nights, after which you have to go to work, an unfamiliar city with inflated prices, lack of income for your wife ... Igor began to control everything: from the price of diapers to the amount of water spent. From his wife demanded a report for the purchase. Fell into depression, constantly went sullen, lamented about the move ... Natalya was indignant: "What is this? Male postpartum depression? Adaptation to a new place of residence? Pathological greed or forced saving? ”... Did you have such a thing? Are you also suffering from partner greed? Let's understand its causes together.
What is greed is different from economics?
"I'm not greedy, I'm an entrepreneur," - said the character of the famous Soviet cartoon. What is one character trait different from another?
An economical person will buy the necessary, he will not take too much. Greedy will not buy anything.
- Opinion of others, including relatives
The economist does not give a damn about the opinions of others, he can be convinced that he does something wrong. Greedy usually the opinion of society does not care.To convince in something it is almost impossible, but there is a possibility.
A greedy man will slip past the cash register, leaving you alone with a cart of products: "No money, pay yourself." Economist will say: "Now there is no money, can you pay? I will give it back. If you need something, then buy it then and then. " The word will keep.
The greedy usually does not give gifts, and even if he forks, it is for the purpose of gain, for example, to persuade you to have sex or to please you so that you give him something more expensive. Economical will plan a gift and hand it.
- Total budget
Greedy does not participate in the general budget. I did not see a receipt for an apartment in my eyes, he buys things-products only for himself. Economical finds fault with receipts, lists of products, asks to distribute expenses.
But, as we know, greedy is a lot, and the border states between the "greedy" and "thrifty" too. And in order to learn to interact productively with such people, it is necessary to understand the reasons for stinginess.
Reasons for stinginess
- Children's injuries
Here I immediately want to clarify that greed does not depend on the social status of parents. Greedy children are found in well-to-do and poor families.The main problems are the lack of education.
- Heredity and behaviors
For some reason, a number of psychologists argue that the case in heredity, it seems to me logical not heredity, namely the wrong model of behavior, which the child sees every day. For example, dad's mom rarely gives flowers, does not buy clothes, does not say compliments, and the child learns that it's normal. Or sees that mom works hard on two jobs, provides the entire family, and dad commands the television. In general, children are able to bind unbound, and then they themselves suffer from this. Especially when parents do not know. For example, if the pope seldom gives flowers to his mother, and does not take bribes at work, the child may associate it as "it is not good to give bribes, to spend money on women, too." And if in the future he hears how his first love will ask for a chocolate bar, it can embrace a feeling of disgust: "All of you women are mercantile!"
- Adult injuries
Do you think that only in childhood do injuries sit deeply in the subconscious and from there they affect us all our lives? But no. Unintended mental trauma can be obtained and becoming an adult.For example, a young man came across a mercantile person who, in mysterious ways, robbed him to the skin. If the poor fellow decides on a new relationship, he may well begin to control, and “where did my precious spend ten thousand? Right on the products? Where are the checks, show. ”
There are people who subconsciously believe that they have nothing to offer others but their money. But after all our consciousness is what? He does not like the truth, especially unpleasant. So he confuses a person, scrambles: “Yes, you have such a good, caring, interesting, people do not appreciate you, and therefore they only require money. Stop, and if the money suddenly run out? What will you offer? Need to save! "
There is nothing to add. Himself all. The same category includes men leading a double life. The only difference is that the mistress falls into the category “all to oneself”. The mistress is sponsored, they buy her the best, they take her to the resorts, and her family in holey tights walks. Exaggerating, of course. But there are a lot of stories. Why are such egoists sponsoring someone else besides themselves? Two reasons: either they are little acquainted with the mistress and the egoist wants to like her, and then the fate of the wife with buckwheat waits, or before fall in love, that they are ready to start living from scratch, to learn to take care of someone.
How to fight?
In any case, it is better to start with a frank conversation, which should be conducted through the prism of good, without any pretensions, obvious criticism and other unpleasant chips. In a relaxed atmosphere, where no one distracts you, talk with your partner about his childhood, about the family in which he grew up, find out the family’s attitude to money, how the budget was distributed, what parents bought, what didn’t, how long did it take to ask. Or maybe they bought a brother-sister, but not your future half.
You can also ask about past relationships. Was there not a man with whom he began to wither over gold, like Koschey the Immortal? Agree that “having burnt on milk, they blow on the water,” but notice that fate gave him a new chance to change his attitude towards money.
In general, more specifics with men. Here's what you specifically do not like, and tell about that. But not from the position: “I bought a fur coat for Masha Vanya, and you are a miser,” but from the position: “I would be very grateful to you if you would help me with buying a fur coat / paying courses.”
Ask him, what he likes about the relationship, what is not, how he would like to change them, discuss it.
Also in the conversation, you can include the theme of balancing affairs and money.For example, you work in freelancing, and your partner asks you to invest the earned money in products. It is quite fair to ask him that, while you are working, he could help with the economy. Do not forget, household duties do not have sex. The more responsibilities a man has, the more he will devote time to his family, realizing that not everything is so simple. Feel free to ask.
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